Kerry Jones Waring Freelance Writing

First published here: https://herviewfromhome.com/i-waited-so-long-to-hear-him-say-mama/ When you have your first child, check-ups with the pediatrician sometimes feel like a quarterly review of your parenting job performance. Are you doing it right? Is he gaining weight? Crawling? Cruising? (I still don’t know what cruising is.) Even when delivered kindly, these questions can cast a spotlight on your deepest-felt inadequacies and shortcomings. But it wasn’t until my son’s check-up at 15 months that I felt truly stumped. “How many words does he have?” the nurse practitioner asked during the exam. “What? Oh . . . I’m not sure.” I said. I hadn’t counted them. He had so few. How many was he supposed to have? I thought, frantically trying to remember what the parenting blogs and books had said. The nurse practitioner, sensing my panic, asked helpfully, “Does he say mama and dada?” “I guess?” But, as I searched my mind for evidence, I realized he didn’t. He pointed. He made eye contact...

Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo Filmmakers can learn a few lessons from Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. For example, if you’re making a sequel to a movie that came out six years ago, and no one saw that one, either, don’t pepper this film with constant references to the first one. We don’t get it. But, clearly, the most important lesson to learn here is: Don’t make a sequel to Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. S omeone did, though. In fact, director Mike Bigelow (really his name) makes his debut with this film, unfortunately for him, and us. In it, Rob Schneider ( The Hot Chick ) revives his most notorious character (besides maybe the “makin’ copies!” guy from Saturday Night Live ) and brings Deuce to Amsterdam, where he meets up with his former pimp, T.J. (Eddie Griffin of Undercover Brother ) during a gigolo-killing spree. That’s right, it’s set in Amsterdam , and there’s not one weed joke! Just kidding. There are a lot. They’re not funny. Neither are the dozen...

The Exorcism of Emily Rose It’s pretty brave to ever make a movie with “exorcism” in the title, because immediate comparisons will be drawn to a certain other film with that theme. But the title is pretty much where the similarities end, because The Exorcism of Emily Rose is not really a horror film. The trailers may have led us to believe otherwise, but it’s not. It’s a courtroom drama. It’s an examination of the role that faith plays in the justice system. And alright, maybe after all that, it’s a horror movie. Emily Rose stars Laura Linney ( Kinsey ) as a lawyer chosen to defend Father Thomas Moore ( Batman Begins ) as he stands trial for criminal negligence in the death of 19-year-old Emily Rose (Jennifer Carpenter, White Chicks ). The prosecution claims Father Moore abused and neglected Emily until she died, but Father Moore – with the rare backing of the Catholic Church – maintains that she suffered physical trauma as the result of a demonic possession. ...

Club Paradise There are some bars that have a cover charge because a lot of people want to get in. Then there are bars like Club Paradise that charge a cover to create the illusion that a lot of people want to get in. That may be unfair, considering there is a robust, seemingly loyal clientele of this Blasdell nightclub in the Clarion Hotel (formerly the McKinley Park Inn) that does turn out to listen to 80s tunes or classic rock cover bands. But there are too many of those “classy” illusions at Club Paradise that fall flat, creating less a swanky nightclub and more an out-of-the- way bar with an identity crisis. The “paradise” part, for instance. The efforts to turn the large, well-proportioned interior of the club into a tropical setting seem rather half-hearted – an inflatable palm tree crammed in a corner is more or less the extent of it. The rest of the atmosphere seems left over from the previous incarnations of any hotel bar – that terrible patterned carpeting,...

Simme’s Martini Bar and Restaurant You don’t often find a place like Simme’s Martini Bar and Restaurant on a little residential street in a town like Lancaster . But that’s exactly where this stylish bar and restaurant is located, a little surprise in the middle of suburbia. If you live nearby, it’s a great spot for a date or drinks with friends. If you don’t live nearby, it might just be worth the drive to switch up from your usual local nightspot. The “restaurant” part of Simme’s Martini Bar and Restaurant might be a bigger draw for most folks – the dining room is fairly large and beautifully decorated, very much a date atmosphere. The menu ranges from casual to finer selections, and the prices, while not cheap, are reasonable. But it doesn’t appear the dinner crowd stays very late: by 10 p.m. on a Saturday night, the kitchen was closed and the dining room was empty. Outdoor seating on the second floor patio is ideal for the warm weather, but that section also closes at...

Elmwood Lounge The official name of the place is the Elmwood Restaurant Lounge and Bar, but you recognize it as the Elmwood Lounge, flickering in red curly letters across the front of the building. It’s been around for quite some time, gaining a kind of street credibility that keeps it thriving, even though it’s quiet most nights. And, perhaps most notoriously, it’s the home to Lance Diamond and his 24-Karat Band, Buffalo ’s beloved sequined lounge singer. Lance is still quite a draw on Friday and Saturday nights, crooning both standards and his own hits. The Elmwood Lounge is oozing with 1970s cheese – track lighting, arched mirrors, gold-plated everything, and plenty of pleather on the chairs and barstools. The bar itself curves across the room, adorned by miniature American flags, racks of snack chips and a Quick Draw machine. Is it kitsch or isn’t it? It’s impossible to figure out if the Lounge maintains this quirky demeanor on purpose, with a little wink to ...